Get Well, Knucklehead

Best wishes go out to Michael Wilbon, who suffered chest pains yesterday and had an angioplasty done. As one of the few personalitites left on the Worldwide Leader whom we can tolerate, we honestly wish him a speedy return to health, and PTI.

[Must. Resist. Urge. To write "shoulda been you, name of obnoxious ESPN personality joke here]

Corporate Synergy Uber Alles

ESPN has devolved to the point now where it is a necessary evil. We watch it, a lot, simply because there is little choice. Despite the increase in excess garbage which has inundated the network, we watch to get our daily fix of all things sports. The title of this site is taken from a quote from ex-Sportscenter anchor Sal Maricano as he was quitting the network, though he was likely referring to the idea of Bristol being such a boring place to be more than the hellish work environment. It accurately sums up our love/hate relationship with ESPN.

Many of us were, understandably, concerned when Disney swooped in and purchased the network along with ABC. That relationship, coupled with the increasingly annoying factor of Sportscenter anchors becoming "personalities" who each felt the need to develop their own shtick ("booyah!"), has helped shape ESPN into the annoying entity it is today.

Two things seen on SportsCenter this week served to underscore how much ESPN has turned into a corporate shill machine that has continued to move away from it's primary function. First, it was deemed necessary to update us on the latest from Dancing With The Stars. Why, one might ask, would a sports highlight show run this? Well, there were two athletes (female boxer Laila Ali and speed skater Apolo Ohno) competing, so it was sports related. The fact that DWTS is an ABC show apparently was entirely coincidental. As a sports fan, I was grateful to receive this vital update in lieu of something trivial like the Royals-Indians game from the night before.

This morning, the innovative folks from Bristol found a way to integrate clips from the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie which, by pure coincidence, opens today, into highlights from the Pirates-Cardinals game. See what they did there? The fact that this mega-blockbuster just happens to be a Disney production was, again, strictly happenstance, and was more a byproduct of the producers' creativity than a shameless product placement.

We understand the need to cross promote, and to tie all your little entities together. Really, we do. But would it kill these soulless empty suits to leave SportsCenter alone, and let it be the show we knew and loved?

I think we all know the answer to that one.

ESPN Looks Inward

The Worldwide Leader has had someone fill the Ombudsman role for awhile now. The original one, George Something, recently stepped aside and was replaced by Le Anne Schreiber.

Let's back up a bit. I like ESPN. Well, let's say that now I tolerate my addiction to it, "like" is too strong a word. Like a gay cowboy, I just can't quit you, Bristol. It's not so much that the network has grown so much since it's humble beginnings, from the days of televising tractor pulls, Aussie rules football and the like. The fact that a 24 hour sports channel even existed was enough of a novelty for me. I look fondly on the days when Tom Mees, Bob Ley, a non-bloated Chris Berman, etc. would deliver the Sportscenter smack into my sports-craved bloodstream. Remember that before then you were relegated to waiting for your local news guy to deliver the goods, once at 6:40 and again at 11:20. There was SportsPhone in the NY Metro Area, but that was a toll call. Having this level of sports information available was amazing! Also, this was pre-Internet, so remember, as always, that I am older than dirt.

What I can't stand now is the Disney-owned-corporate-synergy-cross-promotional-
our-guys-break-every-story-it's-not-worthy-of-highlights-until-we-cover-
it-booyah-catch-phrase-smug-ass-anchors-Budweiser-hot-seat-with-
Will-Effing-Ferrell-Kenny-Mayne-Dancing-With-The-F*cking-Stars-
on-ABC that ESPN is today.

Anyway, the Ombudsman, she is awesome. It really seems as if she hasn't been watching/reading/listening, thus is almost incredulous in some of her commentary. My favorite was her asking why the anchors were constantly yelling at her. Rather than pick through her commentary, I've linked it here.

I think I love this woman.

ESPN.com Implodes

Man, the geniuses at the World Wide Leader just keep coming up with stellar ideas, don’t they? After the stunning success of ESPN Hollywood, ESPN Mobile, Cold Pizza and Quite Frankly with STEPHEN A. SMITH, the powers that be decided to open up a comments section on the famous Page 2 section of Espn.com. See, they know how to handle this blog thing, just open up the lines of communication! Anyone can do it!

Well, it backfired almost immediately. As chronicled on Deadspin, the commenters immediately went into mocking mode and unleashed a barrage of comments which had been commonplace on blogs like Deadspin, Kissing Suzy Kolber, With Leather, etc. Basically, the same folks who post there, posted here, and hilarity ensued. A team of ESPN flunkies (probably interns who had to stifle laughter while skimming each post) was quickly assigned to remove offending posts, which must have been the internet equivalent of Lucy and Ethel working at the candy factory.

To their credit, they eventually stopped censoring the posts, and eventually some positive stuff was posted (by ESPN staffers themselves? We’ll never know). The damage was done, the underground won.

Viva la revolucion!

The Day ESPN.com stood still (Deadspin)