Sunday, February 11, 2007

Thanks, Barry

Thanks, Barry.

Thanks for wanting to stick around for at least 3 more seasons. I honestly don’t know how baseball would function without you.

Thanks for postponing the mother of all Hall of Fame debates until at least 2013. That’s not what baseball needs right now, man.

Thanks for injecting race into the Home Run record pursuit. Honestly, it’s like most of us forgot Hank Aaron was black, and Babe Ruth was white. Remember when you boldly said you were only concerned about passing the big fat white guy? What happened there?

Thanks for making milquetoast Commissioner Bud Selig hem and haw with the media when asked what he will be doing to acknowledge your inevitable record breaking 756th HR. After all, Bowie Kuhn couldn’t be bothered to attend the game where Aaron hit #715, right?

Thanks for creating perhaps the largest asterisk in sports history. I imagine the record books will need to use a 72 point font next to whatever number you finally end up with.

Thanks for redefining the term “hanging on to break a record”. Not since Pete Rose’s ugly last few seasons banging out cheap singles to set the all time hits record have we seen such courage in the face of physical decline.

Thanks for having the courage to stand up and say that both Pete Rose and Mark McGwire should be Hall of Famers. No other big leaguer has had the guts to state it as plainly as you did. For someone who has no possible motive for stating that a man who admittedly bet on baseball (but not his own team, dammit!) and a man whose sudden bulk resulted in a late career power surge, then saw his body break down once he stopped using the substance found in his locker, and basically took the fifth when asked by Congress if he used steroids, well, that takes a stand up guy. You, Barry, are that man!

Thanks for not being willing to sign the cause in your new contract which stipulates basically that all bets are off if you’re indicted. What kind of crap is that? Stand you’re ground, Barry, and fight the power.

By the way, can you tell me where I can get some of that flax seed oil? (I tried to reach VIctor Conte, but then the feds starting calling me and I don't need that hassle right now.) My joints are acting up, and I’m not as young as I used to be, but I figure I could really dominate my softball league this summer if I had a little, you know, help.

Thanks again, Big(er than you ever were before) Guy!

No comments: