I think the most shocking thing about this story was that it had never happened before. That’s right, for all the things this guy has endured over the past twenty years, rehab was not one of them! Who knew?
The best part was how he is going in for “various addictions”. I didn’t know that was an option. What could his rehab schedule possibly look like? We’ve obtained an exclusive transcript of the Tyson schedule:
Day One 8:00 AM Wake up 9:00 AM Drugs - are bad, mmkay. 10:00 AM Why buttocks fondling is not your God given right. 11:30 AM Body art – why your first tattoo should be more discreet. 1:00 PM Women – Getting them to listen without striking them. 3:00 PM Money – Why saving some can be a good idea sometimes. 4:00 PM Don King – He’s just plain evil, dude
Repeat each session for at least 28 days. Good luck Mike!